You Probably Won’t Remember This Anyway

Alright, for this to work, I’m going to need you to take a deep breath and clear your mind. Because we are about to journey into a very dangerous place. It’s called: your mind. Now before we go, if you see anything strange or unnatural, I’ll need you to not pay any attention to it, Ok? Just ignore it and it’ll go away. Ready? Good. Take a deep breath… I’m waiting… Good. Clear your mind and focus only on the voice in your head that’s reading this off of the screen. Got it? Just focus on that voice… And we’re here. Where’s here? Well, I’m glad you asked! Here is your mind. Congratulations! Go ahead, take a look around you! Yes, well, I’m sure it all looks the same, but that’s not the point! The point is that we are now inside of your head and that means that we can get to the point of all of this. Now if you remember correctly, before all of this, I asked you to remember a set of numbers. Please repeat them out loud. What? You can’t remember the numbers? Really? You’re not joking? Ooh, this is bad. This is incredibly very not good. What? No! Nothings wrong! It’s just there may be a small, tiny, little incident that may or may not be happening to you right now. What is it? Uhem–ooh—blimey, how do I explain triptiphenicalconicalousicus algorithms to a human? Um, ok, say you have a big, blue balloon. And that big, blue balloon is being pulled inside itself. As you notice, it begins to get smaller and smaller. That’s what’s happening to you right now. You being inside of your mind is forcing it to fold in on itself–to your memory–is starting to-and will continue to erase itself until—and more, from what you had for breakfast to whats your—forget it all. Oh no. It’s already happening isn’t it? Alright, we’ll need to cut this little adventure short. Well here——and no one can—–we’re going to—are you ready? You didn’t get much of that did you? Blimey this virus is spreading fast–OK! Are you ready? No? Good, neither am I. See this thing? This is my I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing-but-I’m-doing-it-anyway-and-I’ll-look-really-cool-using-it device. It goes ding when there’s stuff! Now when I turn it on—-back ok? Ready? One–THREE! *Various crashing noises* Hello? Are we back? YES! We’re back! Let me help you up. Whew! That was a ride wasn’t it? Let’s never do that again! Hmm? No it shouldn’t have any lasting effects, you’ll be good for now. Just don’t try to attempt to do that again. What would’ve happened if you said the numbers? Eh, something cool. BUT! I want to show you something even better! Would you like to accompany me to the nearest Ice Cream Parlor while we discuss what other long and boring words I can pronounce? Brilliant! Allons-y!


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